I am a wife and mother of a wonderful 2 year old daughter who was born 12 weeks early. I have a passion for photograhy and I am always trying to get that perfect shot! I use the internet as a creative outlet and enjoy creative design among other things.
It has been really quiet lately. I check my blogs everyday and sometimes they are updated but most of you are not doing much of that so you must be out enjoying the lovely weather :) It has been rainy and horrible here for the past few days.
We drove out the Bath the other day. I was looking for some new trainers and since it was a bank holiday Monday we went to find someplace open. I did end up getting a pair, there was not much of selection and I just hope they are comfortable when I start wearing them. I want to break them in before our vacation so my feet are not killing me all the time.
Dave has been playing with the video recorder a bit lately.. Has not captured anything spectacular but it is nice to see the peanut on video all the same. I hope to add another clip in the near future if anyone is interested in seeing one.
I hope you all had a brilliant weekend. I have been working on re-vamping Randie's website so I am off to continue that job.. just wanted to check in with you all :)
Posted by Tonya ::
7:50 PM ::
5 Comments:
Looks like loads more fun ahead with capturing our memories with Randie. Dave went out and bought a new video recorder today! He is charging the battery and will be playing with it in no time! Guess I will be able to upload some live video feed of the sweet pea now :)
Dave keeps reminding me that it is "his" camera.. "you have your camera (which I would much rather have) and this video camera is mine".. Yeah that's okay, I will let him go on believing that as long as he likes.. I know when I want to get my paws on it then it will become "my" camera..lol Shhh don't tell him though! This is great news anyway, now I will be able to send DVDs home to Canada for my family to see :)
I also recently got another memory card for my camera (4GB) so now I have 6GB all together. So now with the highest resolution setting on my camera (best quality) I can store close to 2000 pictures without having to transfer them onto a computer to clear my card. Will you have to wait longer to see pictures now? --- Of course you won't!! lol but it will sure come in handy when I go to Canada or when we go out to Paignton (Devon) for our holidays!!
I know some of you had problems viewing yesterdays pictures.. that was my fault - my bad! You should be able to see them now.. Check out how much older Randie looks in that first pic!!!
Posted by Tonya ::
3:30 PM ::
4 Comments:
There comes a time in life when you just need to get with the damn program and my time is way overdue!
I have been feeling a bit emotional lately because I feel like shit everyday! Why do I feel like shit everyday? I know why and have known why for some time now...
I need to get with the program!
I am so out of shape that it is a struggle to do anything these days. My weight just keeps increasing and I am getting lazier than ever. This is something I must change or I will be dead before Randie turns five.
So this is where the suicide cycle ends. I am going to take it seriously and get into shape (and I don't mean round..lol) I want to be around along time to watch my little girl get married and have her own children and at the rate I am going now that would never happen. For awhile, I will not know how well I am doing other than how I feel seeing as I cannot get on your standard scale to weigh myself. Yeah, that's right.. I weigh more than 300lbs! I won't say exactly how much at this time because I am far to embarrassed but it is more than that!
I don't even want to get my own picture taken because of how I look. I sometimes break down and just say do it because I don't want Randie looking through the pictures when she is older and there are none of her and mommy! I am the photographer and quite happy hiding behind the camera but there are times when you just have to face the lens no matter how disappointing that might be.
I walk uptown with Randie and I am having a heart attack. It is a bit of a hill to walk up there (a mountain to some of us) yet I see 80 year old people walking it!! It totally kills me when I see them pass me on the street. My in laws are in awesome shape.. they go hiking and walk for miles and they are in their 60s. That is just wrong.. lol I am only 38! I know that is kinda old but I should not be feeling like this all the time.
How is Randie going to feel when she goes to school and the kids make fun of her because her mommy is fat :( I would feel so horrible for that to happen to her but would feel even more horrible if someone had to explain to her that her mommy was dead. (It was so hard to even type that) I cannot imagine Randie not having me around for her. I cannot imagine leaving her in this world without me to protect her. I cannot image her motherless...
Just like I cannot imagine my life without her...
How can I be so selfish to destroy myself when she needs me and loves me. We are going on holiday the second week of July and believe me there will loads of walking involved if we want to see anything. I need to get prepared for some of that at least so that I am not dying walking 100ft. This is the time.. the time is NOW!
Besides.. just look at this face.. how can I not live to watch her grow, mature and become an incredible person doing incredible things!
If you actually made it this far, sorry to put you through the depressing rant and I never really talk much about myself on here but I felt maybe if I type it, just maybe, it will help me gain the strength to do it!
Posted by Tonya ::
9:12 PM ::
9 Comments:
The weather was finally descent enough for us to go the zoo! We left early arriving around 10am when the zoo opened and headed straight in to check out the monkeys. Twycross has allot of monkeys! I was excited to see Randie's expressions going to the zoo this time. We took her last year and she seemed to like it but now being this age I figured she would be allot more excited.
It turns out she was excited but not really what I expected. Many times she was too busy staring at all the other people around us at the zoo then the animals themselves. Then of course she found out there were some rides there (oops it slipped) and that was all we heard..
"I want to go the fair now mommy", "I want to go the fair now daddy". "I want to to the fair" "I want to to the fair" "I want to to the fair" "I want to to the fair" "I want to to the fair" "I want to to the fair"
I seriously thought I would lose my mind!! lol We were heading in that direction and I kept telling her we were going there but if she keeps saying it that we were not going to go.. Needless to say, she continued to say it and she still went! Talk about a couple of suckers..
They also had a big park there as well that she went to. It eventually became quite hot and I had to smear Randie down with the sunscreen but we all had a good time. Randie liked seeing the animals, riding the rides and playing in the park. She had to go on the rides with daddy because she was to young to go on alone! Hope you all had a great weekend! If you want to see more zoo pics simply click here. You have to love that ape above.. he is keeping his eye on me!! He was great :) lol
I was also tagged by Songbird to do an eating out meme but I don't eat out much at all unless it is McDonalds! Since I can't really do this if anyone wants to give it a go, head on over to her blog and check it out :)
Posted by Tonya ::
7:36 PM ::
5 Comments:
Okay so I have been tagged by Heather to tell you 7 things you always wanted to know about me, here it goes--
1. I own well over 100 books on serial killers and true crime. 2. My family and my photography are my true passions 3. I suffer from depression 4. I am going to lose a 100lbs by next summer 5. I have sleep apnea and wear a C-pap when I sleep 6. I smoke too much and really need to quit 7. I don't like living in England
I tag anyone who wants to do this. Just let me know if you do so I can check it out :)
Posted by Tonya ::
8:48 PM ::
6 Comments:
It has been raining for days! Finally today it stopped but it was still really windy and cool outside. We are hoping this weekend it is going to be good so we can take Randie to the Zoo. She has only been once and that was last summer. She loved it then and I'm sure she will love it even more now. I have been feeling pretty lousy lately and sure glad it is Friday... No work for Dave tomorrow so I can sleep in a bit :)
We have also decided on our holidays this year and we are booking them for the second week in July and we will be going to Paignton!! I can't wait.. I have never been there and excited to go. It is about a 5 hour drive or more but they call it The English Riviera :) We will be about 200yards from the sandy beaches and beautiful scenery. There are allot of places to visit with plenty of things for Randie. It should be tons of fun!
Hope you all have a fantastic weekend! If you would like to see more pics like the pics in the post click here.
Posted by Tonya ::
11:22 PM ::
5 Comments:
I also have a caption contest running on my Signature Creations blog if you want to check it out :) If you would like to see more pics like this one simply check out Life Thru A Lens!!
Posted by Tonya ::
8:03 PM ::
3 Comments:
I believe it was 1968, my Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother were in a very serious car accident which caused allot of damage to the car and was even noted newsworthy with a big picture of the accident in the paper. My dad was thrown from the car and landed on the road.. way down the road but it turns out that everyone was fine. It also turned out that I was in that accident as well.. my mom found out she was pregnant with me while being examined at the hospital at the time of the accident.
That accident could have caused a miscarriage and I would not be here today. Darling Randie would not be here today all because of that accident. I was born March 26th, 1969 and a glorious day it would have been for my parents who tried to conceive me for a few years before it happened. Little did they know all the grief I would cause them later down the road. If they had of known they may have left me at the hospital or on a doorstep.
I was a real handful growing up as a teenager, I was one of those people who "Did a lotta". You know, did a lotta partying, a lotta drinking, a lotta drugs, a lotta fighting, a lotta breaking curfew and staying out all night! Had a lotta this and a lotta that.. Geez I am surprised I survived my teen years let alone my parents.
I remember as a kid calling my older sister mommy from time to time. I recall my little brother doing it often. This happened because my sister would get us our lunch from school and that sort of thing because my mom and dad were busy working their asses off to take care of 4 children. My mother was always the type of person to take the backseat, to blend into the shadows and avoid the spotlight so that we would shine. She worked hard, not only 8 hours a day on her job but she would come home and cook, clean and take care of us kids and the home. I realise now as an adult and a mother how amazing she truly was. I can also imagine how tired she was. Not only was I a rebel but my younger brother was as well.. We both caused allot of trouble and lets just say brought the cops home on SEVERAL occasions.
I did not matter what we did, my mother always stood behind us and never gave up on us. She would always stand beside us even when she had a broken heart. I have apologised on several occasions to both of my parents for all the trouble I caused them.
"I hope you grow up and have a daughter just like you!". We have all heard that come out of the mouth of our parents haven't we? When I look at Randie, her sweet loving face I think to myself. "I sure hope she is not like me when she grows up." I could not imagine having to deal with all of that as a parent. I am already neurotic and worry so much all the time it would surely kill me! I have allot of regrets from the past and in the past is where they should stay...
My mother is my best friend. We are very close now that I have grown up. I cannot imagine my life without her and I miss her everyday that we are apart. My only regret right now is that I am not with her sharing this mothers day, I am not there to make her smile, to maker laugh, to show her how much I love her this day and everyday!
It is not a special day because the calendar says its Mother's Day.. It is because of my mother that makes this day special. We don't need to pick a date on the calendar to appreciate our mothers, that is something that should be done everyday! But since it is written I would just like to shout!
I LOVE YOU MOM!
Hey now, you're a rock star, get your game on! (well you get the point and I know you must be smiling at the Shrek reference)
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
Posted by Tonya ::
12:37 AM ::
9 Comments:
I have started a new blog, yeah I know blogger queen who is always the slacker! I have not been doing to bad lately though have I? lol
I started a blog just go with my website, updates, news, contests and stuff like that to keep my customers informed on anything new with Signature creations so if you want to check it out be my guest :) You can find it here. Hope you all have a brilliant weekend!
Thank you all for the compliments on my new banner! I was happy with the way it turned out! Emma, all my graphics and stuff are on my Signature site. I am off to bed now but I will email you tomorrow :)
Posted by Tonya ::
1:57 AM ::
0 Comments:
Admit it!! You started to sing the song didn't you? I know you did so you cannot deny it :) These pics were taken on April 25th, the day we left Canada to come back to the UK. This is the part I despise most about going to Canada....
is leaving it!
Not only do I despise flying but being at the airport saying goodbye to my parents and at the same time knowing that they will not see Randie for another 6 months to a year! It just breaks my heart everytime. This is Randie seeing one of the planes moving out of the window.
I guess she was a little excited :)
I love this shot, I would have to say that this is probably my favourite photo of the trip, and that is out of about 1000 pics in that 5 weeks. I feel I captured the moment perfectly and did not realise that I actually got it until it went to edit! It was not a planned pic either! Kissing her Papa goodbye :(
This pic was a planned pic! I knew I wanted to get this one but not until we were about to leave through security. It is just darn cute!
I miss my mom and dad already and I know Randie misses them as well. She has already asked a couple times if she could go to Papa's house! We watched Shrek today as well and it brought back alot of memories from Papa's house.. lol
I have added some new pics to Life Thru A Lens as well if you want to check them out :)
Posted by Tonya ::
8:59 PM ::
8 Comments:
I didn't really have time to post much yesterday but we wound up in Emergency again for a few hours.
The day pretty much started normally, Randie and I came in from playing in the garden and we were waiting on Dave to finish a couple things before we made our way down to Victoria Park so Randie could play on all the kid stuff there, then all of a sudden she goes to walk over to the TV and sort of hunches over a bit and puts her hand on her tummy.
I asked her if she had to have a poo and of course she replies with a big fat "No" because she does not want me to put her on the potty anymore. Needless to say up to the potty we go to get comfortable and wait for her to go. Once we are sitting there she just starts screaming!! I mean screaming and then I settled her down and waited some more. (figured maybe her stool is hard so it hurts) That happens often so we wait a bit longer but she is not going but continues to cry. I lift her up off the toilet to hug her and she cries more and wants to sit back down. We try this a few times but nothing happens so I take her into my room and put her nappy on and lay her on my bed.
She is not acting herself and I know something is wrong. I know her behaviour when she just really has to go to the toilet and this is just different. This is totally different so we decide to take her to the emergency room. Considering Randie's history with bowel surgery etc we don't want to take any chances. We get her dressed and head to the car. At this point she is not crying but she is still not acting like herself. I lean over to put her in her car seat and she lets out a couple big burps!
We are heading out to Nottingham and she starts to act like her normal self. We now figure it is gas that she has trapped that is causing so much pain in her tummy. She then proceeds to tell us she is going to the park! We figure we would drive around a little bit and maybe that will help with the gas. We get out to Nottingham and Dave asks if we should head back now that she seems better. It's raining but I want to see if she is walking alright before we head back so we drive over to PC World and take her inside. We put her down and she starts walking like a little old lady holding her tummy so off to the hospital we go. It may be gas but we're not about to put our baby at stake if it is something more serious.
We get to the hospital and get her checked in and she seems a little better but still not walking properly. Over two hours later we get to the see the doctor who goes through some history with us and examines Randie. Of course she is the perfect patient!! She always is and it freaks the Dr's out every time. We come to the conclusion that it is probably gas or hardened stool that is blocking the bowel from letting the gas out. We are told to increase the lactulose that she takes and if she does not seem better to go back and see them.
Hours in the emergency room, a missed nap and a tired baby we head back home with a little more piece of mind then we left with. We get half way there and Randie says "I'm going to go to the park now!". Needless to say we ended up making a stop at Victoria park so Randie could play for awhile proudly wearing her "Perfect Patient" sticker. We had the run around but at least we got her checked out and the little sprog got to go to the park after all! She is acting allot better today and has been doing allot of farting so hopefully she will be tip top soon :)
I would also like to send a big shout out HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Cath and Kathy who are celebrating their birthdays today! Hope you are having a great day ladies!
Posted by Tonya ::
7:40 PM ::
8 Comments:
Desert Songbird over at The Ice Box was tagged to do this meme which I found interesting and she tagged whoever wanted to do it so thought I would give it a go!
Head over to Wikipedia and type your birth date (just month and day) into the search box. Then list 3 events that happened on that day in history, then 2 birthdays on that day, and finally one death that occurred on that day.
THREE EVENTS
1958 - The United States Army launches Explorer III. 1812 - An earthquake destroys Caracas, Venezuela. 1997 - Thirty-nine bodies found in the Heaven's Gate cult suicides.
TWO BIRTHS
1874 - Robert Frost, American poet (d. 1963) 1968 - Kenny Chesney, American singer
ONE DEATH
304 - Saint Emmanuel, Christian martyr killed under Diocletian
I won't tag anyone in particular but if you would like to do it that would be great :) Just let me know so I can check it out :)
Posted by Tonya ::
10:35 PM ::
3 Comments:
Okay you asked for it! Picture overload :) Thank you all for your comments the other day. I guess I was just feeling a bit down. (that tends to happen allot) Damn depression. Anyway here I am back blogging with a vengeance after all your kind words.
I had to post some super cute pics of Randie in this outfit! It was a gift from her Auntie Kim & Uncle Tim and I totally love it. It is a size 2T!!! It being that size makes me believe that the pants are actually supposed to be those "short pants" if you know what I mean but they fit full length with Randie..lol Anyway, I thought it was super cute :)
It seems so weird to be back in the UK here now. I don't know why but maybe because I was in Canada for 5 weeks. Being back here could be the cause of my recent sadness because I always enjoy being near my family. We are so very close and when it comes time to leave I always feel a great deal of sadness. It also bothers me that being out here they miss most of Randie's growing up and that is hard for me.
While in Canada Randie became a SHREK freak! I don't even think I could count how many times we watched Shrek 1 & 2 when we were there. She just loved it and most of the time she would sit on the couch and watch the entire film!! That is odd for the girl who is always too busy to pay attention to one thing for more than 5 minutes!! I don't normally like those animated type films but I must admit I really enjoyed the Shrek as well, part 2 being my favourite.
Randie is now at that stage where she will entertain herself a little more rather than someone else having to do it constantly. She will grab a book and tell you that she is going to "read it herself". She will sit on the couch/chair and flip the pages carefully while spending a few moments on each page. It really looks like she is reading half the time..lol We still have to read to her quite a bit but at least she will look at the books herself sometimes as well. She also has more attitude lately which she may have picked up from my niece and nephew in Canada. She says "I want that, its mine!", "Gimme that". I just look at her "Excuse me?" Then she will grin and say "Please". Her manners are normally excellent so this is something that we are going to have to beat out of her..lol
She says "I love you" allot more now as well. It is so adorable, she will look at me and say "I love you mommy, this much" and she stretches her arms wide open. It of course makes me melt every time! I will say "Aww thank you honey, I love you too" and she will turn around with "You're welcome!" It is just too stinkin sweet :)
While in Canada she really bonded with my dad (papa) as well. They were real buddies that's for sure. She would sit with him and watch TV, give loads of smiles and kisses, it was adorable. Of course he would give her candy and bring back timbits for her from Tim Hortons so I am sure that did help a bit ;) He also brain washed her before she left as well.
If you ask her "Who do you love?" she replies "Papa"...lol
I also neglected to mention to you all that when I got out to Canada I applied for my Visa to the UK. Meaning becoming a legal resident and not having to leave the country every 6 months to renew my passport. I applied shortly after we arrived and was approved 3 days later, having all my information and passport (with visa stamp) returned to me a day later! Talk about quick service, obviously I was applying to the British High Commission, there is no way things would move that quickly if it was the Canadian government.
Hope you are all having a brilliant weekend :)
I will be adding more pics to my Life thru a Lens blog if you want to check them out :)
Posted by Tonya ::
9:40 PM ::
8 Comments:
uhh I know it is supposed to be "Wordless Wednesday" and it is also supposed to be "wordless" but I really don't have anything interesting to say and now that I think about it I never really have anything interesting to say and that is why I am thinking of giving up blogging. I mean geez you must be totally bored with seeing pics of Randie and that is all I seem to blog anymore.. Errr.. I don't know, guess I will go watch Desperate Housewives..
While we were in Canada, Randie and her Papa became serious buddies. She was hanging out with him alot and always wanting to sit with him to watch the tele. Well she even tried to fill his shoes while she was there :) Check her out in her papa gear!!
There is no doubt she is my daughter! Like mother like daughter ;) Only her's doesn't actually take pictures but it flashes a bit.. lol
Hope you are all having a great week and getting some great weather!
Posted by Tonya ::
9:50 PM ::
6 Comments:
